It started as a voice in the back of my mind…

My family and I went to Good Friday service this evening. I really enjoy the Good Friday service at our church. It’s emotional, raw, and it doesn’t feel stiff and diluted. Regardless of what you believe, what happened to Jesus Christ or Jesus of Nazareth on Good Friday was brutal, gut wrenching, and difficult to hear about. Getting to the point, I’m a believer, but it’s not fun to re-imagine this image year after year.

But sitting in the pew tonight, I started thinking about the “what ifs” of Good Friday. For a moment, thinking about the man; what would make a person do what he did? Imagine that he didn’t know “for sure” that there was some purpose to what he was doing. What makes someone go through with it? I believe I could convince myself of a lot. I believe that an obsessed or crazy person could do that, too. But at what point would a human stop the madness? At what point would a human deny even what he/she held most dear? When would the pain have been too great?

There are a lot of things that I feel “convinced” about, but with my back bare and the whip raised, what would I say? I feel sure about a lot, but standing in front of a jeering crowd yelling to crucify me would probably make me wilt. A trial, a crown of thorns, a cross on my back – when would I yell, “Stop, I’m sorry, I made a mistake”?

I’m sure my denial of what I held most dear would certainly have come before they drove spikes into my wrists and feet. It certainly would have come far before they drove the bottom of that cross into the earth. What would I have said when they paraded my mother in front of me? Could I have comforted the man next to me while I was in excruciating pain?

It’s a hard story to hear when you realize that even in today’s society he was innocent – completely innocent. He just believed in something that others didn’t. He just had convictions that others didn’t. We as humans disagree about a lot. A lot of disagreement centers on religion. Unfortunately, we’re all guilty of yelling crucify him to someone who believes a little differently than we do.

I do believe that Jesus Christ was both God and man. I believe that he sacrificed himself for everyone on earth. It’s what helps me get through when things get tough. It’s what shakes me out of my self-pity. It’s what reminds me that there is a big, big universe out there and in it I’m miniscule. When I suffer, I know that I’ve never truly suffered. I’ve always been surrounded by love.

Looking forward to Easter Sunday.

Goodbye Plateau

Finally, I’m off that stinking weight loss plateau. After about 4 weeks, I’m finally making downward progress. I think that a major development has been not being sick as a dog. My teeth are out, the cold is gone, and I’m feeling good. I was able to get on the spin bike for the last three days, and I’ve been doing my physical therapy exercises for my back. All good things. I’m also feeling much more motivated lately. I’m sure it’s the summer weather. Plus, I’d like to get out of this “inbetween” size so I can buy the correct size clothes. I’m not complaining that my pants are loose, but it’s not entirely professional to walk around the office holding my pants up. The new change this morning was that my belt that was tight only 2 days ago is now too loose. Good grief. 🙂

I’m excited that it’s Holy Week. It is one of my favorite weeks of the year. I just feel very refreshed after Easter Sunday. I think it’s the feeling of renewal and the emotion involved in the entire experience. This year, Nate and I are going to do try an Easter egg hunt with Fynn after church. We’re actually going to the sunrise service since Fynn is up by 5:30-6:00 anyway. Might as well get to church. 🙂

If I don’t write before, Happy Easter!

Monday = walks & sticks

I can’t tell you how happy I am that it’s finally getting warm out. I would say that the only real problem with living in an apartment, aside from having to lug your laundry to the basement – which sucks, is not having a backyard. It’s not easy to bundle up the child and take him out to play. The nearest park is Lincoln Memorial. So for most of the winter, we’re inside. Both of us feel way too cooped up.

After Fynn’s nap today, we went out to the park. I think Fynn would have a good gig with the County Parks. He spent the majority of our walk through the grass picking up sticks. He had about 10 sticks that he was carrying under one arm. On the way back (after I made him drop the sticks for a while we were walking towards the lake), he started the stick collection again. At least by the time we ventured back inside, we only had one stick…which caused a temper tantrum when I had to put it in the trash. So, one stick off the lawn…you’re welcome Milwaukee County Parks.

What a difference 11 hours of sleep make…

I know what you’re thinking: How did you get 11 hours of sleep?? 🙂 I only got 7.5 hours of sleep (although it was heavenly after the 4-5 I’ve been getting). Mr. Fynn slept from 8 PM (when he finally passed out) last night to 7 AM this morning. For the last couple weeks, he has been getting up at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning. Now, I wouldn’t mind the early wake-up call if he was wide awake and pleasant to be around, but he was waking up tired because he didn’t get enough sleep and would walk around the house whining very loudly, rubbing his eyes, and crying when ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING would not go his way. For example, he melted down into a puddle of sadness yesterday when he couldn’t get the rings on his toy to work correctly. Whew. That was a long day.

We decided to try the blackout curtains this weekend. Sunday, he woke up at 6:30 and today he woke up at 7:00. He seems to be in a MUCH better mood today. Actually smiling and laughing and playing. All good things.

We’ll see if the good fortune lasts. 🙂