A hot mess.

I just figured, if I’m going to be a mess, I might as well be a hot mess, right?” – Mindy Kaling

So usually for Mia’s birthday, I write a post about advocacy and Down syndrome and what I’ve learned and all the awesome things about her. And there are tons of awesome things about her. She’s amazing and I love her. And she makes the world a better place. Just the other day another mom told me that her child cannot stop talking about Mia. Since she is the embodiment of pure sunshine, I was not that surprised.

And I love motherhood, but I’ve been talking to a lot of moms lately about life with kids, the mid-30s, and how hard everything is, and I decided to celebrate today by being completely honest about something.

I’m a hot mess.

Between IEPs, struggles finding a daycare, being back in the office, general kids in school drama, and just being a mom, I’m one problem away from spontaneously combusting.

I really want to be positive, but I’m in this funk. This enormous funk. Like the funk of all funks. Gosh I love my kids so damn much. But being a mom is hard. It’s HARD.

And I look at social media and think, “What are they doing so right? How am I such a huge mess? Why is everything so damn hard?” But then I look at my own Facebook page with the cute videos of the kids and adorable, strategically staged pictures (meaning I make sure the dirty diaper I left on the floor is not in the shot), and I start to wonder what people think about me. I wonder if I put on a good show that I have it all together.

And I think we’re afraid of admitting it. We’re afraid of saying, “I want being a mom to be awesome, but some days, it’s just SO HARD.”

So for Mia’s birthday. My advocacy is this. Hey mom out there who is struggling, who is sad, who is working her butt off but feeling like she’s going nowhere. Who looks at social media and thinks everyone is doing so much better than her. I hear you. I see you. We’re in this together. I’ll be a hot mess with you.