Little Writer Monkey

I’ve seriously been working on this blog post for 2 weeks. Where have I been? Down the rabbit hole.
Okay, I’m being really dramatic. There was no rabbit hole involved, promise. I’ve just been amazingly busy, stressed, and frustrated. Just a number of things I think. The diet isn’t going as well as I’d like, we’ve added yet another therapy for my son, we’ve been stressed about money (and why it seems to disappear so quickly from our checking account), we had to buy a car because the repairs started to eclipse the cost of buying a new one, and I’ve had too much time to contemplate everything in life which stresses me out.

Although, when I write it that way, I really do sound like a whiner. Hmmmmmm….Let me re-think:

1. Diet. My family has plenty of food on the table, which is why it’s impossible to lose weight.
2. Therapy. Not only do our family and friends love our son, but two more people are now working to help him have a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.
3. Money. We’re stressed about money, but the fact is we have money to be stressed about. My husband has a good job that allows me to be at home with my little boy. The small sacrifices I need to make are pretty minor compared to what so many people have to go through.
4. Car. Although it was stressful at the time, my husband has a new, reliable car in which to ride to work. Not only that, but we gave our old car to my husband’s parents in California, where they could possibly get a few more months/years of life out of it without the constant onslaught of salt corrosion.
5. Contemplation. Since all of my needs seem to be met on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I’m now spending more time on self actualization.

Okay…now I’ll stop complaining.

So I’m struggling to figure out what to read next. Anyone have any advice? Here are the choices because I’m not allowed to buy any more books. It’s a self inflicted fast:

“The Gravedigger’s Daughter” Joyce Carol Oates (because I love being depressed by novels)
“The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo” Larsson (What?? I think Daniel Craig is hot and I will think of him while I read)
“Water for Elephants” Gruen (I bought it and am regretting it but I feel like I should now read it because I own it…)
“The Street Lawyer” Grisham (because it’s better than cooking shows…maybe)
“War and Peace” Tolstoy (I figured I’d redeem myself with this choice…after the Grisham)
“Middlesex” Eugenides (because it’s been on my shelf for like…years)
“The Joy Luck CLub” (I hear I’m supposed to read it)

Thoughts?

My kid is a picky eater. I know, I know, all l kids are picky eaters. We’ve been working very diligently lately (now that we feel like the speech stuff is going better) to work on the eating. So tonight we thought we had a slam dunk – Noodles’ Mac and Cheese and flat bread. I mean, seriously, you’d think that would work. He completely refused. Pushed the chair away from the table and screamed at us. Eventually, thank goodness, he worked on the flat-bread, but he would not touch the noodles. So, here I am on my 1,300 calorie diet, eating a low-calorie nutritious option from Noodles, and I have to try to coax him to eat. By coaxing, I mean eating a little of his Mac and Cheese and saying, “Mmmmm, don’t you want some?!” The entire time I’m thinking, “10 calories, 50 calories…..” How do you stop the “mommy munching?” Whether it’s coaxing a kid to eat or eating off his plate because you’re thinking about how much food you’re wasting. Plus, you’re stressed because your little cherub won’t eat his darned food! If you’re a stress eater like me, it’s a train wreck.

Speaking of train wrecks, my Dr. Oz plan continues. Just kidding (sorta). Today is “Don’t Graze Before Bed.” This one is actually pretty interesting. First off, I’m done eating for the day (well, after I finish this tea). According to Dr. Oz, people who eat at night gain more weight average per year (like 3 pounds), which is kinda a no brainer. In addition, eating 70 minutes – 2 hours before bedtime could decrease stroke by 76%! That’s crazy! It has something to do with circulation changes brought on by the digestive process restricting blood flow to the brain. So, that pretty much convinced me to stop the nibbling 2 hours before bed. Thank you, Dr. Oz.

Wasn’t it just January 2011? It is truly incredible how fast these years are flying by. It’s true, the little ones don’t stay little for very long. It seems like Fynn is doing one more “big boy” thing every day. I’m not so sure how I feel about that. On one side, I’m very excited to see what new thing he’s going to do/learn next. One the other side, I’m feeling very sad that these years go by so quickly. The quicker it’s going, the more I want to make sure he’s got a happy little childhood. Whew. That’s a big responsibility. I feel really blessed that my little family has been doing so well. So far, so good.

Seeing as it’s almost January, I suppose I should work on some New Year’s Goals. I actually did pretty well last year. I do have some free time while Fynn is still napping, so I better be good at using that time wisely and not just watching television reruns while lying on the couch. I’ll be pretty bored in another 5 weeks if that is my only plan. Then I might get ideas. Oh, don’t get me started on the ideas I get when I’m bored. So here are my goals:

1. Read at least one book a week. I think that’s a pretty easy goal. It will mean watching less television. BTW – we did end up cancelling cable about 8 or so months ago now. But back to the books. Instead of just reading the book, I’m planning on blogging a little about them. No spoilers, just a few opinions and whether or not I recommend them. I figure that should keep me motivated. Also, I seriously need to get involved in some sort of book club. It’s kind of depressing reading a book and then having no one to talk to about the book.

2. Health. Uhg. This one is never ending. I’ve fallen off the wagon in several ways. But, my plan is to start logging again in Loseit! after the holiday. Logging before is just kind of depressing. On the same note, I’m going to try the “Dr. Oz 28-day Plan” that I read about in Oprah magazine. Yes, I read Oprah magazine. I like it, okay!  I like the one-day-at-a-time plans. For example, on the first day of this plan, I have to drink green tea. I love green tea. Easy. On the second day, I have to eat dark chocolate. Done. I should blog the details and let you know how it’s going. Also, I need to start yoga again. My back is doing a lot better, but it’s not going to stay that way without some pretty regular exercise. Stay tuned.

3. Create a good schedule. So far, Fynn and I have been on a pretty good schedule. We go out on an adventure in the morning, he naps in the afternoon, and we chill out until Nate gets home. But, I’m a little freaked out about winter. There will be days that I will be stuck in the house. I need a good bag of tricks for those days for Fynn’s sake….and for the sake of my sanity.

4. Writing. I do need to stay fresh while I’m at home. I already feel the ability to turn a phrase slipping from my brain. Too much toddler talk and I’m going to lose my ability to speak to adults. Must write a little every day. It’s one of those things that does go cold and does get tougher the less you do it.

Well, that’s it for now. I’m now a little more excited to start the New Year. Ah, the possibilities. I’m ready for you, 2012!

I’m sure many of you have read “Rants from Mommyland” . If not, do, it’s awesome. Thus, I’m honoring them with the title of this blog. I haven’t written in this darned thing since June. Kinda a lot has happened since then. I decided to quit my job in October and be a stay-at-home mom. It certainly has been an interesting ride. I decided to describe my experience in a pros and cons list:

Pros: I’m at home all day with my toddler.
Cons: I’m at home all day with my toddler.

Pros: I’m building on my already excellent repertoire of toddler songs.
Cons: I can now sing every song in “Blues Clues” and “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.”

Pros: My house is reallly clean.
Cons: I’m a little bored so I’m cleaning my house, a lot.

Pros: I have more time to read.
Cons: I spend most of my time reading nonsensical diatribes on comment boards.

Pros: Toddler kisses and hugs whenever I catch him.
Cons: I’m tired after a long day of chasing him.

Pros: My Christmas presents are already purchased and mailed by December 15.
Cons: I probably spent more money this year on Christmas presents.

So that’s my list so far. I’ll be sure to add some more as my stay at home continues. :

Hope all is well everyone.

For the most part, I love my job. I enjoy writing engaging and clear communications and I enjoy writing and editing. Lately, though, I’ve started to feel like a writer monkey. I’ve described this feeling to people in the past. I feel like a sponge that’s been all wrung out. It’s sad. Also, I’ve been feeling like the grammar girl lately. I don’t mind answering questions and proofreading. However, I do mind getting sent ugly copy that I have to “make good.” That sucks. That sucks a lot. I’m not a miracle worker.

My family and I went to Good Friday service this evening. I really enjoy the Good Friday service at our church. It’s emotional, raw, and it doesn’t feel stiff and diluted. Regardless of what you believe, what happened to Jesus Christ or Jesus of Nazareth on Good Friday was brutal, gut wrenching, and difficult to hear about. Getting to the point, I’m a believer, but it’s not fun to re-imagine this image year after year.

But sitting in the pew tonight, I started thinking about the “what ifs” of Good Friday. For a moment, thinking about the man; what would make a person do what he did? Imagine that he didn’t know “for sure” that there was some purpose to what he was doing. What makes someone go through with it? I believe I could convince myself of a lot. I believe that an obsessed or crazy person could do that, too. But at what point would a human stop the madness? At what point would a human deny even what he/she held most dear? When would the pain have been too great?

There are a lot of things that I feel “convinced” about, but with my back bare and the whip raised, what would I say? I feel sure about a lot, but standing in front of a jeering crowd yelling to crucify me would probably make me wilt. A trial, a crown of thorns, a cross on my back – when would I yell, “Stop, I’m sorry, I made a mistake”?

I’m sure my denial of what I held most dear would certainly have come before they drove spikes into my wrists and feet. It certainly would have come far before they drove the bottom of that cross into the earth. What would I have said when they paraded my mother in front of me? Could I have comforted the man next to me while I was in excruciating pain?

It’s a hard story to hear when you realize that even in today’s society he was innocent – completely innocent. He just believed in something that others didn’t. He just had convictions that others didn’t. We as humans disagree about a lot. A lot of disagreement centers on religion. Unfortunately, we’re all guilty of yelling crucify him to someone who believes a little differently than we do.

I do believe that Jesus Christ was both God and man. I believe that he sacrificed himself for everyone on earth. It’s what helps me get through when things get tough. It’s what shakes me out of my self-pity. It’s what reminds me that there is a big, big universe out there and in it I’m miniscule. When I suffer, I know that I’ve never truly suffered. I’ve always been surrounded by love.

Looking forward to Easter Sunday.

Bye, bye wisdom teeth. We’ve been attached to each other now for about 14 years. We’ve had a good run, but I’ve got to break up with you now. I hope you understand. Tear.

Dread, dread, dread. I’m trying to stay positive about this whole wisdom teeth thing, but I think I was less worried about giving birth. At least with labor I got a cute little cuddly baby after. This time I get pain pills and antibiotics. Before you say, “Well you get pain pills,” I got pain pills after giving birth, too.

Wish me luck. Twelve hours from now I will be toothless, wisdom toothless, I should say.

So, I do love the show The Biggest Loser. I can’t help myself. Tonight I got pretty irritated at one of the contestants. This season Rulon Gardner is on the show. If you don’t remember him, he’s the USA Gold Medal winner in the Greco Roman Wrestling at the 2000 Olympic Games. During one scene in the show, Rulon tells Jillian Michaels that he is overweight because he’s never believed that anyone truly loved him…say it with me now….”Awwwww.” I couldn’t help thinking, “Bullshit.” You’re overweight because you stood on the podium in the Olympic Games, had the feeling (be it ever so brief) that you were a god, and then came home to the reality of having to find a job, etc. You achieved your goal and then never set a new one. So you’re goal-less, feeling inadequate, and you’re bored. So, you eat.

So, Biggest Loser producers, (if you’re reading) I have one name for you - Dara Torres. I couldn’t help but get sucked into her story during the 2008 Olympic Games. Here is a new mom (and former Olympic althete) at 41 years old who decides that she needs to lose her baby-weight, so she decides to do it by training again as if she’s going back to the Olympics…then decides to go. Oh, and did I mention that she broke her own American swimming record in 2008. Wow. Did I mention that she’s training for 2012 after having reconstructive surgery on her knees? Now, I think that Rulon needs a swift kick in the arse by someone who won’t believe his crap. I believe that Dara Torres is that girl. She’s awesome. Everytime I think that I’ll never get back into shape, I think. Good grief, I’m not training for the Olympics…and I’m only 32. Get a grip. I think Rulon needs to get a grip.

I still can’t believe it is the middle of March. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s a great thing. I am SO tired of winter, and I don’t even have to shovel a driveway. I’m ready to get out of the house with the little guy instead of being trapped in here like a prisoner when it’s cold or snowy. We’ve already been enjoying the nice weather. Walk last week during the “heat wave” and the zoo this morning to enjoy the 50 degree weather before it gets cold again. Pretty happy about it!

So an update on the weight loss. I’m still on a plateau. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds. With that said, I’m only 7 (or 5 depending on the day) pounds from being at my first goal. I just need to get over being sick ALL OF THE TIME so that I can get some exercise in. It’s next to impossible to keep losing weight on just eating alone, I’m starting to believe. Well, impossible for women. Nate is down 30 pounds and counting. Ridiculous. Men. Annoying. I’m really happy for him because he’s been stressed out by the excess weight for a while, but I’m annoyed with the speed at which it has melted off his body. At this point, I’ve decided to take a “break” from the weight loss. Basically, I’m still logging calories but not trying to really lose until after my oral surgery on Friday. Best to get healthy and not stress out too much, I think. Then, once my mouth stops hurting, I can get back to it…and add in exercise.

I have to say that all of this healthy eating has really been good for our other goals - namely saving money. Not eating out 3-6 nights a week has been really good for our pocketbooks. The plan now is to try to save money to buy a house. We’d like to take advantage of this dip/valley/gorge in the housing market and get a pretty nice starter house for a good price. Nate and I need space and little Fynn needs a yard. Plus, it would be really nice to be able to do laundry easily while Nate is traveling. So, we think that if we can pay off the medical bills and credit cards by August, by August of 2012, we’ll probably be able to purchase a nice modest house. I’m liking this idea more and more. I also like the idea of having a really aggressive savings goal. I really work much better that way.

Lastly, while we have not cancelled cable, I have been reading more. I’ve been reading some great books and that has helped my mood quite a bit. I’m still considering cancelling part of our cable package. Probably a good idea to save even a couple hundred bucks a year. I’m starting to think that way now, which is good. I guess it’s a sign of age. Am I finally growing up at 32? We’ll see!

That’s it for now!