Little Writer Monkey

I’ve been exhausted this week. I have this stupid cold that has been lingering on FOREVER. I also think that constant politics in the media is really draining. I mean, it’s like a negative energy in the air.

On the positive side, I’m down 16 ish pounds. I say ish because I hit this stupid plateau. I keep gaining and dropping one pound. So annoying! I checked out the Mayo Clinic website and they suggested dropping 200 calories out of my diet for a week or so and adding more exercise. Of course, I would like to add even a minimum amount of exercise but I feel like crap. I’m lucky that I’ve lost the weight I have given the fact that I’ve pretty much been sick since the second week of January. I’m hoping that this clears up this week.

Work has been going alright. The super busy part of my year has ebbed a little. It’s going to ramp back up, but it’s nice to have a little bit of a cool off time frame so I can get caught up on little projects.

Fynn has been doing great. I’m still wrestling with the nuk. Today was going to be THE day to stop with the nuk at naps, but we caved after only 15 minutes of Fynn yelling at us from the bedroom. I blame the sickness.

We’ll see what tomorrow holds.

It has been one month since I started the Lose It diet. I’m down 9 pounds! 9! I’m so excited. I haven’t been this successful for a long time. I LOVE this website/app. I changed my goal. So, now I’m trying to get down to 135 pounds. I never was able to get below 140, so I decided I’m going to push myself to that. I’ve got 14 pounds to go!

Wish me luck!

This week hasn’t been the most fun in the Kogler house. Poor little Fynn got sick on Tuesday, ran some pretty high fevers on Wednesday and Thursday, and now seems on the mend…though still not feeling well. And, of course, I woke up this morning feeling like my face was filled with gauze. So, I’m sick now, too. Luckily it’s Friday and Nate is going to try to get out early so he can come home and help me out. At least Fynn seems in good spirits.

This was also a really tough week for my diet. I stuck to it for the most part (I had one extra glass of chocolate milk last night), but it was really tough. It’s clear that I’m a stress eater. The more stressful the week became, the more I wanted a big cheeseburger. I resisted. Nate said that if I’m going to cheat, an extra glass of chocolate milk is probably a safe (and vitamin rich) choice.

All that said, I’m down a little over six pounds now and feel good (despite the yucky cold).

Okay, so I really don’t like to blog about politics, and this blog is more about respect than politics. I was watching Bill Maher on Jay Leno last night and decided that I really, really don’t like politically driven talking heads. So after much thought, I’ve come up with a solution for how to deal with them. I’d like to gather up Bill Maher, Glenn Beck, Rachel Maddow, Rush Limbaugh, and every other person of the “political entertainment” persuasion and put them in a padded room together. I would not let them out until they agreed to the following code of conduct:

1. Treat others with the utmost respect - even if you do not agree with their point of view.
2. Do not accuse others of hate speech and follow with a monologue filled with your own hate speech. That is called hypocrisy.
3. Refrain from using every single logical fallacy you can think of while trying to make your argument. Repeat after me: I will not argue using ad hominem attacks, straw man, hasty generalizations, etc.

I really don’t think this is too much to ask. Sorry…just my non-political rant for the day.

It has been a rough week. When Nate left on Thursday, September 30, I knew it was going to be a rough trip. Fynn had only been in daycare for three weeks, I was still getting used to the schedule, and I’m still not physically at 100%. I knew I would struggle…and I did. Luckily, my son is a total sweetheart, and he is really easy on me. I believe that every aspect of my life was out of balance this week. My mom is having some health problems, I’m still having health problems, work is getting really busy, and my class has hit a low point. That doesn’t include the fights that erupt when Nate is out of town.

Of course, the fights are caused by the pure exhaustion that we are both feeling. He doesn’t think I understand. I don’t think he understands. Then we hit the impasse. I’m not sure if my “readers” know this about Nate and me, but we are very stubborn. I’m pretty convinced that I’m always right, and Nate “knows” he’s always right. The only thing that I have in my back pocket is that I’m a woman, so I’ve got “bitch” pretty much cornered in the house. Now don’t get all hot and bothered, women. You know exactly what I mean.

I hate being out of balance. It’s a crappy feeling. No one likes having their life pretty much upside down. I also think that this week was indicative of how overwhelmed I am. Between medical bills, credit card bills, daycare, and trying to save for a down payment on a house (that we are eventually going to have…maybe in 20 years), I’m exhausted. Like many women, I take care of the finances in the house. It’s stressful. I have to figure out how the bills are paid, when the bills are paid, and how we’re going to save for the future. I’m not sure why women always get stuck with this job. Nate once told me it’s because he’s the CEO and I’m the CFO. Well, I think I want to be the CEO for a while because it sounds like the CEO just gets to spend money and complain about why we don’t have it. Sounds about right…isn’t that what happens in corporations, as well?

Some things are good about being at home by myself (or with a toddler…who doesn’t speak). I get to read, watch whatever television I want, and think. Although that last one can get me in trouble. Sometimes I think too much. I think about everything that’s wrong with life. Don’t get me wrong; I live a pretty nice life. The problem is that I’m a perfectionist, so I can always think of things that I’m doing wrong. Parts of my life where I’m not living up to my potential. Problems in my relationships. I thought moms were supposed to be too tired to think about how badly they are doing in life.
Hey, moms out there. Why is it that men have no concept as to how tired watching a baby can make a person? I hear a lot of, “I’m sorry, Baby. That sucks.” “I’m sorry you’re tired.” “Just go to bed and don’t worry about the dishes.” As if I can just go to bed and leave food rotting on Fynn’s high chair tray. That is what scares me about leaving the boy at home alone with his daddy. What if he gets Botchulism? Or Leprosy…does anyone remember that Simpsons episode?

Luckily I have a lot of good friends who help me out while Nate’s away. It’s nice to know that you guys are out there.

Well, well, well. What a month. It was a lot of good news and bad news this month. If you’ve been reading my facebook posts, you probably have an idea about the back trouble I’ve been having. Long story short, my back took a turn for the worse around August 1st. What I was experiencing was some pretty significant sciatica pains that were really bad when I walked or stood for any length of time. I tried a chiropractor, but my symptoms just seemed to get worse. I decided to visit a “Spine Care” clinic in town who is affiliated with the Medical College.

I saw a physiologist who was VERY concerned with my symptoms because on first glance he said I had a herniated disc, but I was not “presenting” as though that was the problem. He thought that perhaps I had spinal stenosis (which if you know anything about back problems is very, very bad and debilitating). He sent me to get an MRI, at which point I was just so sad. What happens if this would go on for the rest of my life and degenerate to the point of being wheelchair bound. Terrifying, really. In the meantime, he put me on some anti-inflammatory medication and some pain medication, and I saw a physical therapist.

On Monday I returned to get my results. I was pleased to discover, thank God, that it was not spinal stenosis, but a herniated disc that is just acting weird. So the herniation is impinging on the sciatic nerve and for some reason is being irritated when I stand and walk. However, the pain medication and the anit-inflammatories were not working, so they put me on some stronger meds.

While this may sound like good news, the doctor was still concerned because herniated discs can do their own damage, spinal stenosis or no. So, he prescribed physical therapy immediately. I’m way too young for surgery (and rates of success are pretty low anyways), and he didn’t want to jump right to steroid injections (again can have little or no effect on the pain).

Again thank the Lord because the pain medication and anti-inflammatory drugs that they put me on started to work. At this point, I am not pain-free, but I am able to walk for some distance, stand for a longer time, and I’m not in excruciating pain. I had a physical therapy appointment yesterday and the therapist was VERY happy to see my progress. Even though I am still walking pretty gingerly, she said I look completely different than I did even a week ago. I have to admit, I feel differently than I did a week ago. While I still have some pain and I have to be careful as to how much I aggrivate that nerve, I’m able to walk around, get housework done, and I even have the energy (and desire) to go shopping with friends (even if I have to take frequent breaks), and get on the spin bike to take a ride.

It is going to be an uphill battle, but I feel for the first time in a month that there is an end to all of this out there for me. When I first saw my PT, I asked her what I would have to do to stay pain-free after all of this is over. She said that I’d have to get into the best shape of my life and stay that way for the rest of my life. How’s that for motivation to reach my New Year’s Goals? Apparently I’ll be in constant pain unless I work out and lose weight and get in awesome shape.

Well - here’s to being of strong body…and mind.

This has not been the best week. I’m starting to think that, as a mother, I’m accident prone. Maybe I should invest in a rubber apartment.

On Tuesday, I dropped my husband off at the airport for his 8-day trip to Europe for work at 7:30 AM. He was on his way to Atlanta for a several-hour layover. The morning was going really well. I stopped and bought breakfast for myself, Fynn went down for a nap really easily, but I cancelled plans to go out to Oconomowoc because Fynn’s nap schedule was pretty messed up. At about 10 AM, I decided it would be fun to go to the Zoo. My parents were (are) in town and I could do a lunch-time zoo run and still get Fynn down for an early afternoon nap.

I left at 10:40 to pick up my parents, and I got to Wisconsin Avenue when I realized I left my cell phone in my apartment. I thought about just going down to the marina (they stay in McKinley Marina on their boat when they’re in town), but then realized that if I couldn’t call them, I’d have to walk down to get them. So I decided I was 5 minutes away from my apartment and I might as well just go back up to the apartment and get it. I grabbed Fynn out of the car because we live 6 stories up and can’t just leave him in the car and run in. I got up to the apartment and for a split second I remembered that I hadn’t taken the baby gates down when I left. Then I spotted my phone on the desk and stepped over the gate holding Fynn with both arms in front. I was wearing tennis shoes and my toe of my shoe caught on the gate and I fell forward. Because of the way I was holding Fynn, I couldn’t grab the door frame When I realized we were going down I used my left arm to cushion Fynn’s head. His head hit the floor and I quickly assessed him and saw that he bit his tongue, but his head wasn’t bleeding and he didn’t lose consciousness. I called my pediatrician and they said that as long as he stops crying and his pupils aren’t dialated he’d probably be fine. He was still crying intermitently but he was quieting down, and I figured he’d stop once we were on the road and he’d be okay.

I didn’t see anything wrong with his leg. It takes about 5-8 minutes to get down to the marina. Fynn had stopped crying by the time I’d pulled out of the driveway and I figured we were in the clear. As I pulled on to Lagoon Drive, Fynn had started whimpering in the backseat. I knew something was wrong. When I parked in the marina lot, I turned around and he was white as a sheet. Even his lips were white. Now that I look back, I think he was probably going into shock. I jumped out of the car and went to grab him out of the carseat when I saw his leg. There was a baseball-sized black and blue lump growing out of the side of his left shin. I knew it was broken, but I was hoping it wasn’t. I called my pediatrician and said we’d be there right away. My parents got in the car and we headed out. My dad was icing Fynn’s leg and comforting him in the backseat and he was just sobbing and sobbing. It was the worst sound I had ever heard.

I drove out to Tosa and we saw the doctor. He thought it might just be a terrible bruise, but also a hairline fracture was a possibility, so he sent me to get X-rays. Poor Fynn was sobbing and clutching me and my dad the entire time. It was terrible. One funny moment at the doctor’s office was when the doctor asked if I was hurt. It hadn’t even occured to me to think about it. But I realized my right arm had started to hurt pretty badly and I was quickly losing mobility.

After we got the X-rays (which were really fun because they had to put sand bags on his arms to hold him down…he loved that…), we found out that Fynn’s leg was not only broken, but he had broken both bones. The doctor sent us to Childrens’ Hospital with the films. By this point, Fynn had stopped crying and he just looked uncomfortable. We got right in at Children’s and they said that because the initial diagnosis was already done and that we already had the films that they would just have to determine if they would have to sedate and set the leg or maybe have surgery if there was any additional damage to the surrounding joints.

By this point I had called Nate who was in Atlanta still waiting for his flight to Germany. We decided (with his boss’s help) that he was going to try to catch a flight back to Milwaukee. I also could barely move my right arm at this point in the day. I thought it was either really badly sprained or there was a broken bone in there, too. Nate was able to get on a flight that got back to MKE at 6 PM that night.

We found out that Fynn’s bones were not out of alignment and that there was no additional damage to the rest of the leg, so the orthopedic surgeon said that the doctor could just put Fynn’s leg in a splint. I was so relieved. Unfortunately, we found out that Fynn could not put ANY weight on the leg at all for the next 4-5 weeks. Oh, man… They put the splint on (but they had to do it a second time because they didn’t give it enough bend), and we were out the door. Fynn didn’t even cry when they put the splint on for the second time (although he was pretty high on the pain medication they had sprayed up his nose).

We go to the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday the 27th to get more X-rays and get Fynn’s cast.

Fynn has been doing as well as can be expected. He’s hurting, but he seems to be getting back to his regular happy self. He’s just pretty frustrated that he can’t run around the house. Nate and I have been taking turns (with my parents’ help) sitting next to him on the floor and playing with him. We don’t normally let Fynn watch a lot of television, which has come in handy in the last couple days because there are SO many kids movies the kid has not seen. When he starts getting super frustrated we’ve been popping in a movie for him and he cuddle him until he calms down. They also sent us home with some pretty strong pain medicine for him. The good news there is that he only uses it at night now and he gets Tylenol throughout the day.

We haven’t gotten a lot of sleep in the past few days, and I’ve been pretty emotional about the entire thing. I’m happy Nate and my parents are here. They have been awesome. I haven’t been to the doctor about my arm. I can’t bring myself to leave the little guy to go. As you can see I can type. I’m slowly getting mobility back, so I think it’s just a terrible bruise. I know it is for sure bruised because there is a black and blue ring around my elbow that runs down the underside of my arm. Ouch…

Well, say a little prayer for us for the next couple weeks. We both will feel a lot better once his cast is on. Then it’s a waiting game until it comes off. We got him out of the house today to go to Target. He seemed to like getting out and about, so we’re making plans for the weekend.

That’s all for now. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

The morning started off well enough. Fynn woke up bright and early at 7 A.M. We cuddled in bed watching Sesame Street until about 7:45 A.M. Got out of bed and had breakfast, and then played until 9:00 A.M. At which point Fynn grabbed a blanket and a stuffed animal and tried to climb on my lap. Apparently, he was tired…or so I thought. I grabbed a Nuk and popped it in his mouth and we settled on the couch to cuddle (because Fynn still gets rocked to sleep…I know, I know, he should be falling to sleep on his own…I’m following the path of least resistance). That is when the angry cries started. We cuddled for about 20 minutes when it became clear that he was struggling more than settling. I let him play a bit on the floor. At which point he started rubbing his eyes and his entire face into the carpet. Obviously a tired baby. So then I picked him up and thought, “Maybe he’s hot and just wants to fall asleep on his own.” So I put him in his crib and figured I’d quick hop in the shower while he’s settling down. He didn’t cry…more like just yelled as he played in his crib for the 15 minutes I was in the shower. When I got out I thought, “Maybe he wants a little snack.” So he ate about 10 puffs and one by one threw the rest on the floor. Then he drank a few sips of milk and yelled “DA DUN” - traslation - “all done”. So I put him on the floor to play a little and he again was rubbing his eyes and complaining loudly. So I picked him up, popped a Nuk in his mouth and we cuddled on the couch…until he started screaming and screaming and screaming and rubbing his eyes and pulling his hair. He finally fell asleep screaming at about 10:50 AM.

I think he’s teething. I’m going to go to my corner and cry now.

That is all.

There are so many things to worry about with kids. I know you experienced mommies out there know what I mean (and probably worry a little less after 1). Just a week ago I was freaked out about Fynn not drinking his sippy and not trying non-purees. What a difference a couple weeks make. This week, Fynn has been drinking exclusively from the sippy cup, and he’s getting more adventurous about which cup he uses. Plus, he’s been trying new foods that Nate and I are eating - last night: rice. Not to mention the big change that started on June 26. The little monster man is walking! It is so strange to watch him walk around the house. Only 13 months ago he couldn’t even roll to his side or smile! Those little babies grow up so fast.

We had some more good news this week. Fynn got back into his daycare for September. So 2 and a half days a week he’ll be heading to the nuns. All of the teachers are really nice, so I’m pretty happy he got back in. I really didn’t want to try to find another good daycare.

I’m very excited about the weekend. I’m desparatley trying to clean up the house so I won’t feel guilty about not doing anything this weekend. So far, the living room, bedrooms, and the laundry is done. Tomorrow I’m working on the kitchen and Nate is working on the bathroom when he gets home from work. Then - a clean house and a fun-filled weekend. A friend’s 40th birthday party on Saturday, then we are headed down to the boat with the Fynn and friends for 3rd of July fireworks (hopefully he makes it through this year and I don’t have to try to drive back up the hill during the festivities. And we just got invited to a party out in Oconomowoc on July 4, complete with a parade…yay!

That’s it for now. Have a blessed and safe holiday weekend, friends!

I’ve needed this weekend all week. After several days of travel (two of those days being over last weekend), I get a weekend with the family. I have no idea what we’re going to do, but I’m excited to have some adult company and help with the little one. My back could certainly use the rest. I can’t remember if I mentioned it on this blog, but at Fynn’s last appointment he weighed in at 29 lbs and 14 oz and 33 1/2 inches long. He’s a BIG boy. My doctor was shocked at his height and had to measure him twice. I think we’re in trouble when he’s a teenager if he doesn’t start slowing down on the growth.

Poor Fynn had a little accident last night. Nate had to do some things on the boat (we have a sailboat in McKinley Marina), so Fynn and I walked down with him (we live near the lake). It’s actually pretty easy to watch him in the boat because he can cruise on the seating and the floor is deep. That’s what I thought, anyways. Until he was bending to pick something up and his feet sliped on the bottom of the boat and he bashed his mouth into the fiberglass seat. Luckily he just bit his lip really hard (which is already healing this morning). But boy did it bleed…a lot. It didn’t take long to stop, but we were really freaked out. Once he stopped crying and reallized it looked worse than it actually was, we tried to remind ourselves that this is just one of many, many injuries that will come throughout his life. Poor babies.

He seems fine today. I feel guilty about last night so I let him watch Sesame Street. We usually don’t watch TV in the morning…or in the afternoon, but he gets treats today.