Present

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.” ― George Harrison

It’s about that time of year again. You know, New Year’s Resolution time. I always do the typical – eat better, save more money, read more. You know the drill. And like all of the resolutions made each year, I pretty much give up on them (or forget I made them) around February (or January).

Lately I started to think about abandoning the resolution thing. It seemed pointless since the resolutions I made last year were a spectacular failure. Plus, with all that has happened in the past few months, I didn’t really want one more thing to do or one more thing to feel guilty about not doing. Who wants that hanging over their head for twelve months?

However, now I decided that I do want to make a resolution.

I’m a “future thinker.” Of course, future thinking also means future worrying. I think it’s partially the pessimist in me. I always imagine the worst. I won’t say that imagining the worst doesn’t come in handy once in a while.

While we were waiting for Mia to be born, Nate and I had the “hope for the best, plan for the worst” attitude. It was the worrier in me that read through tons of information about Down syndrome and the possible health risks and delays that can occur. After Mia was born and Ds was suspected (later confirmed), reality hit and I really started to worry. What now? The diagnosis is only the beginning.

From the time she was born, it has become a “when is the next shoe going to drop” kind of life and she’s only 8 weeks old. Even though day-to-day living has been pretty normal after her bumpy start, I still worry about what will happen tomorrow. Will her heart continue to be okay? Will she meet developmental milestones? Is she eating enough? It’s a mix of normal worries and worries about the symptoms of the trisomy disorder.

The problem is that if I always worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, I’ll miss out on all of the great things Mia is doing today. It could become a really sad life if I continually worry about the next milestone. Not just sad for me, but sad for her as well. She needs to be able to celebrate reaching the summit of one mountain before she starts on the next. The fact is that there will always be one more mountain.

Albert Camus once wrote, “Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.” With that in mind, I resolve to live in the present and celebrate now and worry less about tomorrow. I know I’ll always think about the future. I know I’ll always worry about what’s going to happen 5, 10, or 20 years down the road, but I have to make an effort each day to forget about all of that, even for a moment, and just be here with my kids, with Nate, and with all the great people in my life. The future will have to wait.

Here’s to living in the present in 2013. Cheers!