Little Writer Monkey

For the most part, I love my job. I enjoy writing engaging and clear communications and I enjoy writing and editing. Lately, though, I’ve started to feel like a writer monkey. I’ve described this feeling to people in the past. I feel like a sponge that’s been all wrung out. It’s sad. Also, I’ve been feeling like the grammar girl lately. I don’t mind answering questions and proofreading. However, I do mind getting sent ugly copy that I have to “make good.” That sucks. That sucks a lot. I’m not a miracle worker.

My family and I went to Good Friday service this evening. I really enjoy the Good Friday service at our church. It’s emotional, raw, and it doesn’t feel stiff and diluted. Regardless of what you believe, what happened to Jesus Christ or Jesus of Nazareth on Good Friday was brutal, gut wrenching, and difficult to hear about. Getting to the point, I’m a believer, but it’s not fun to re-imagine this image year after year.

But sitting in the pew tonight, I started thinking about the “what ifs” of Good Friday. For a moment, thinking about the man; what would make a person do what he did? Imagine that he didn’t know “for sure” that there was some purpose to what he was doing. What makes someone go through with it? I believe I could convince myself of a lot. I believe that an obsessed or crazy person could do that, too. But at what point would a human stop the madness? At what point would a human deny even what he/she held most dear? When would the pain have been too great?

There are a lot of things that I feel “convinced” about, but with my back bare and the whip raised, what would I say? I feel sure about a lot, but standing in front of a jeering crowd yelling to crucify me would probably make me wilt. A trial, a crown of thorns, a cross on my back – when would I yell, “Stop, I’m sorry, I made a mistake”?

I’m sure my denial of what I held most dear would certainly have come before they drove spikes into my wrists and feet. It certainly would have come far before they drove the bottom of that cross into the earth. What would I have said when they paraded my mother in front of me? Could I have comforted the man next to me while I was in excruciating pain?

It’s a hard story to hear when you realize that even in today’s society he was innocent – completely innocent. He just believed in something that others didn’t. He just had convictions that others didn’t. We as humans disagree about a lot. A lot of disagreement centers on religion. Unfortunately, we’re all guilty of yelling crucify him to someone who believes a little differently than we do.

I do believe that Jesus Christ was both God and man. I believe that he sacrificed himself for everyone on earth. It’s what helps me get through when things get tough. It’s what shakes me out of my self-pity. It’s what reminds me that there is a big, big universe out there and in it I’m miniscule. When I suffer, I know that I’ve never truly suffered. I’ve always been surrounded by love.

Looking forward to Easter Sunday.

Bye, bye wisdom teeth. We’ve been attached to each other now for about 14 years. We’ve had a good run, but I’ve got to break up with you now. I hope you understand. Tear.

Dread, dread, dread. I’m trying to stay positive about this whole wisdom teeth thing, but I think I was less worried about giving birth. At least with labor I got a cute little cuddly baby after. This time I get pain pills and antibiotics. Before you say, “Well you get pain pills,” I got pain pills after giving birth, too.

Wish me luck. Twelve hours from now I will be toothless, wisdom toothless, I should say.

So, I do love the show The Biggest Loser. I can’t help myself. Tonight I got pretty irritated at one of the contestants. This season Rulon Gardner is on the show. If you don’t remember him, he’s the USA Gold Medal winner in the Greco Roman Wrestling at the 2000 Olympic Games. During one scene in the show, Rulon tells Jillian Michaels that he is overweight because he’s never believed that anyone truly loved him…say it with me now….”Awwwww.” I couldn’t help thinking, “Bullshit.” You’re overweight because you stood on the podium in the Olympic Games, had the feeling (be it ever so brief) that you were a god, and then came home to the reality of having to find a job, etc. You achieved your goal and then never set a new one. So you’re goal-less, feeling inadequate, and you’re bored. So, you eat.

So, Biggest Loser producers, (if you’re reading) I have one name for you – Dara Torres. I couldn’t help but get sucked into her story during the 2008 Olympic Games. Here is a new mom (and former Olympic althete) at 41 years old who decides that she needs to lose her baby-weight, so she decides to do it by training again as if she’s going back to the Olympics…then decides to go. Oh, and did I mention that she broke her own American swimming record in 2008. Wow. Did I mention that she’s training for 2012 after having reconstructive surgery on her knees? Now, I think that Rulon needs a swift kick in the arse by someone who won’t believe his crap. I believe that Dara Torres is that girl. She’s awesome. Everytime I think that I’ll never get back into shape, I think. Good grief, I’m not training for the Olympics…and I’m only 32. Get a grip. 🙂 I think Rulon needs to get a grip.

I still can’t believe it is the middle of March. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s a great thing. I am SO tired of winter, and I don’t even have to shovel a driveway. I’m ready to get out of the house with the little guy instead of being trapped in here like a prisoner when it’s cold or snowy. We’ve already been enjoying the nice weather. Walk last week during the “heat wave” and the zoo this morning to enjoy the 50 degree weather before it gets cold again. Pretty happy about it!

So an update on the weight loss. I’m still on a plateau. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds. With that said, I’m only 7 (or 5 depending on the day) pounds from being at my first goal. I just need to get over being sick ALL OF THE TIME so that I can get some exercise in. It’s next to impossible to keep losing weight on just eating alone, I’m starting to believe. Well, impossible for women. Nate is down 30 pounds and counting. Ridiculous. Men. Annoying. I’m really happy for him because he’s been stressed out by the excess weight for a while, but I’m annoyed with the speed at which it has melted off his body. At this point, I’ve decided to take a “break” from the weight loss. Basically, I’m still logging calories but not trying to really lose until after my oral surgery on Friday. Best to get healthy and not stress out too much, I think. Then, once my mouth stops hurting, I can get back to it…and add in exercise.

I have to say that all of this healthy eating has really been good for our other goals – namely saving money. Not eating out 3-6 nights a week has been really good for our pocketbooks. The plan now is to try to save money to buy a house. We’d like to take advantage of this dip/valley/gorge in the housing market and get a pretty nice starter house for a good price. Nate and I need space and little Fynn needs a yard. Plus, it would be really nice to be able to do laundry easily while Nate is traveling. So, we think that if we can pay off the medical bills and credit cards by August, by August of 2012, we’ll probably be able to purchase a nice modest house. I’m liking this idea more and more. I also like the idea of having a really aggressive savings goal. I really work much better that way.

Lastly, while we have not cancelled cable, I have been reading more. I’ve been reading some great books and that has helped my mood quite a bit. I’m still considering cancelling part of our cable package. Probably a good idea to save even a couple hundred bucks a year. I’m starting to think that way now, which is good. I guess it’s a sign of age. 🙂 Am I finally growing up at 32? We’ll see!

That’s it for now!